Monday, April 9, 2012

If Jesus was at the Masters who would His caddy be?

I think that's a more interesting question than the one Maureen Dowd posed in the pages of the New York Times the other day. On first reading the title I assumed that's where she was going; What would Jesus do at the Masters, but she did the old bait and switch and instead I found myself knee deep in a political screed.

Specifically, she's got her knickers in a twist over the fact that the female CEO of IBM, Virginia Rometty, wasn't given an honorary Augusta membership like the last four IBM CEOs who were all men.

The simple answer of course is that membership at Augusta is men only, which apparently is a much bigger deal for Maureen than it is for Virginia. Can't imagine why anybody would want to be a member of a club for smug rich white guys anyway, most of whom live off the fortunes their great-great grand-daddys made on the plantations back when the Black folks were called slaves, not contenders.

So back up a little here and let's give some serious thought to Ms. Dowds original question.

While Augusta itself has been around since biblical times there's no record in the Gospels of our Lord ever having played golf. However, as the son of God I'm sure that wouldn't be an issue. Let's assume He's in it to win it.

So who would His caddy be?

Now I'm sure the Dowd crowd would like to see our Lord make a political statement with His choice of caddy. Maybe bring in the proverbial one-legged Black lesbian to carry the bag.

I don't think so. Jesus was a pragmatist in earthly matters. "Render unto Caesar" and all that. I think He'd go with somebody who had some knowledge of the game. How about Mike Weir? He's not doing much these days.

Or how about John Daly? I think He's been meaning to have a chat with Daly anyway, so this would be the perfect opportunity.

Then again, since Jesus is coming from Heaven to play the Masters, He could bring His caddy along with Him. Must be a few former greats who made it up there when they passed on.

How about Moe Norman?

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