Saturday, February 24, 2018

In Paradise City the girls will be pretty and the panopticon will rule

Holy shit, this video has had over 300 MILLION views!

How the f@ck does that happen?

In a good month this blog might get three thousand...

I did a rough draft of the math in my head, which is always dicey, and calculated that G&R is approximately a million times more popular than the pot-addled hillbilly...


Every piece of shit tells a story

I'm not talking about that foil-clad envelope in an envelope I just sent off to LifeLabs to verify that I don't have any of 23 varieties of ass cancer. And by the way, is that a gross undertaking or what? Seriously, I have yet to figure out a way to stifle my gag reflex while I'm scooping samples with those miniature popsicle sticks that come with the kit, no matter what I've tried.

No, I'm talking about something else entirely. With apologies to Adam Sandler, I'm talking about the fleet of piece-of-shit vehicles that festoon the property. It was a very lovely spring-like afternoon here at Falling Downs, and I wasted it splendidly sitting on the stoop surveying my empire, and I have to admit, every piece of shit tells a story.

Take the old Allis Chalmers back-hoe, for example. That was fully functional when my dear father dropped it off here five or six years ago. Dad was a real estate guy, but he had a hobby that let him out of the office. He'd spend his free time building various roads to nowhere throughout the acreages that he owned.

To that end he had a dozer and a dump truck and the old Allis. When he got a newer backhoe old Allis showed up here at Falling Downs on a float. I dug a few random test holes, smoothed out the roadway into the Bass Lake marsh across the road, and used it to clear snow once or twice.

Then I parked it, and it's been parked ever since.

Just like the Ford Escape has been parked for a year. This is an older Escape, when they still looked like SUVs, unlike the new ones. Originally bought it for the tires. It was wearing a decent set of off-roaders that I thought I could use on the F-150. Got the whole vehicle for less than a new set of tires. Used it to collect firewood around the woodlot for a couple of years, but it turned out those tires weren't rated for the larger F-150.

Then there's the Mustang Fifty. It's been in the fleet for seven or eight years, and I don't believe we've put five thousand miles on it. Once in awhile I like to go for a spin in a car that pushes you into your seat when you stand on the gas, and the Mustang does that in spades. The longest trip it's ever been on was from here to Bayfield.

My favourite piece of shit is the 2005 Subaru that's become the daily driver. It's old and ornery, much like me, but I've come to love it.

It's authentic. You know you're driving a real car. No back-up cams or blind-spot alerts with this puppy, and the manual transmission means you actually have to know how to drive. She's my fourth Subaru. Two of the other three got well past 400 thousand kilometres.

This one will eclipse them all.

Anyway, you can only drive one car at a time. I'm getting older (and you are too) and I think I'm going to start paring down the fleet this year. I haven't even mentioned the 500 Ninja or the Ford 4000 tractor or the GM SUV...

After all, I can still tell their stories when they're long gone.

I'm thinking of trading the entire fleet for a new F-150.

CBC broadcasting US propaganda

Caught the CBC radio program Day Six this morning. Host Brent Bambury interviewed Mona Yacoubian, a Syria expert from the United States Institute of Peace, about the current situation in Syria, and specifically in East Ghouta.

In the interest of journalistic integrity, the CBC has an obligation to provide enough background on those to whom it gives airtime so that the audience can decide for itself if we are getting unbiased analysis or, instead, the partisan spin of someone with an axe to grind.

To that end, it would have been germane for Mr. Bambury to point out that in addition to being a "Syria expert," his guest is also a fellow of the Council on Foreign Relations, the influential US foreign policy think tank that has never seen an American intervention not worth cheer-leading.

Furthermore, he could have pointed out that the US Institute of Peace is a wholly government-owned "NGO" with intimate ties to the CIA.

Shame on Brent Bambury and shame on the CBC.

Thursday, February 22, 2018

Stay Woke: Guardian reveals secret code words of the conspiracy theorists

We owe Jason Wilson, aspiring intern at The Guardian, a debt of gratitude for exposing the secret code words of the alt-right conspiracy types.

No less a conspiracy theorist than Pepe Escobar recently warned me off The Guardian in an email, claiming it's just another formerly decent vaguely leftish rag pushed to desperate measures by the collapse of traditional newspapering.

Sure Pepe... if I can't trust The Guardian...

So here's the REAL TRUTH, according to Jason Wilson. When you see references to crisis actors or the deep state or a false flag operation, you know it's the anti-truth cabal messing with your mind.

Let's unpack Wilson's claims.

Crisis actors. Wilson acknowledges that this is an actual thing, but apparently it's been high-jacked by the conspiratorially inclined to throw shade on the folks working 24/7 to protect us from the evil-doers.

Deep state. This is a term which insinuates a level of control over news and commentary and actual events driven by actors who hide behind official officialdom.

Unofficial officialdom lurks in the background and pulls the strings.

Folks who fall for the "deep state" gambit think Saddam's WMDs were imaginary. They think the official 9/11 investigation was a cover-up. They fall for the narrative, widely promoted by Putin's troll farms, that America is not in fact the virtuous guardian of freedom and democracy that we all know it to be.

What a pathetic bunch of gullible imbeciles!

Oh, and let's not forget "false flag." That's secret code, the etymology of which goes all the way back to the privateer days of the 17th century, for when evil-doers would do evil but pretend somebody else done it.

For example, just google USS Liberty and you'll see how much mileage the antisemitic conspiracy theorists have wrung out of a simple mistake by the IAF.

Well, thanks for the expose, Mr. Wilson...

I'll let Escobar know he got it all wrong about The Guardian.

Tuesday, February 20, 2018

Selective outrage

I see where Kim Campbell, who was Canada's first female PM for about 15 minutes back in the nineties, has called out those slutty female news anchors who have the temerity to show bare arms on your evening newscast.


Bare arms undermine credibility, apparently.

Oh Kim!

Kim Kim Kim!

You have no idea how deluded you are.

Kim seems to think your evening news is about the news.

Get with the program, Kim. News is not news. It's content. It's entertainment. Us male viewers with the male gaze WANT to see bare arms...

By the way, and I ask this parenthetically, was there actually a TV show called "Naked News," wherein the female anchor removed her clothing while reading the news? Seems I saw it once or twice.

I personally didn't get it. I don't need to see the news-reader jiggling her girls while she's informing me of the latest suicide bombing in Baghdad. That's a combo that short-changes both boobs and Baghdad.

But back to Kim.

Kim's egregious breach of the protocols of political correctitude left me no option but to marvel at how out of touch this political icon is... but we expect this from Conservative politicos.

It also lead me to marvel at how quickly the story disappeared.

Had Stephen Harper or Patrick Brown or, god forbid, Donald Trump made such an asinine comment, we'd be hearing about it for days on end.

But Kim Campbell is Canada's first woman PM.

Therefore, she gets a free pass.

Monday, February 19, 2018

Dastardly Ruskies caught doping again

I see where Russian bronze medal curler Alex Krushelnitsky has been caught with doped up pee at the Olympics.


Doping in curling? Get the f@ck outta here!

Curling is the only Olympic sport that can be successfully played at the elite level while simultaneously quaffing a pint and smoking a ciggie. What kind of doping would give this Russian dope an edge?

Mind you, they're always shouting at each other to "go hard" with those brooms...

Are we talking about Viagra here?

Saturday, February 17, 2018

Could you wipe your way to YouTube stardom?

I bet you could.

The media machine is hungry for content. Sure, in a few years AI is gonna be serving up way better shit than mere mortals can conjure up, but that's why we gotta strike while the iron is hot, so to speak, as it were.

I was thinking again about that lovely million dollar condo where you get the bird's eye view while doing that "thinker" thing.

You know, where you're sitting on the porcelain throne contemplating a crap and being totally in the moment and all that shit.

If you look at that picture you'll notice a couple of condo towers going up in the middle distance. That looks like a couple thousand units at least.

What's really fucked up is that those couple of thousand million dollar condos all have a clear sight-line to your window seat.

That's a fact just crying out for its own YouTube channel.